justify my thoughts of flight
by icecreamcastles
Summary: She's River, but not his River. Her name is Melody Pond-Smith. 11/River AU(parallel universe) (WIP)
1. Chapter 1

_Doctor: "I just want to say, you know **you **have never been very reliable."_

_Tardis: "And you have?"_

_Doctor: "You didn't always take me where I wanted to go."_

_Tardis: "No, but always took you where you** needed** to go."_

**_(6x04 "The Doctor's Wife")_**

**_One._**

He's running. He's had no companion for quite some time and his wife is gone. Darillium has happened quite a long while ago as well. So he doesn't do it anymore. He's done with searching the universe and space seems like the proper isolation if he just wanders. He doesn't let the worlds around him burn though, if he has any say in it that is. The world always gave him places to go and especially Earth. It gave him companions that he will never forget and no matter how much it hurts he will defend those worlds until his last breath.

He's travelling aimlessly and without care now. He's reached the depths of unreachable territory when it comes to space. A long endless travel with nothing in sight because when you're this far out it seems it takes centuries to even graze past another living life form.

He's okay with that. He's done with trying to find new land and new adventures and new reasons to try.

It's no surprise that he doesn't sense when things are going a bit wrong anymore. It's comes as secondary nature to ignore signs of danger but the Tardis definitely shouldn't be making that noise.

It definitely shouldn't black out and he shouldn't suddenly feel her drained of all her power.

He hasn't landed anywhere in a very long time so the silence and lack of motion the Tardis hums as she travels through space feels much too still. Gravity. Yes, he feels gravity.

It's dark, not entirely pitch black for a faint glow remains yet he can feel warmth piling from outside the closed wooden doors. He's not sure he wants to be blinded by warmth when he has taken to the cold so intimately.

Still, he's already pressed against the doors and can feel the warmth radiating. It's the sun, he's sure. And it's definitely Earth.

He doesn't want to need anymore. He doesn't want to be where River is not going to be anymore, to where he isn't able to follow, to where she will never again follow him.

But defeat is defeat and he can't fight anything anymore.

He pulls open the doors and he feels it then. Something is off. Something is off and very not good.

This is earth but it's not earth. Air the same, land the same, humans are humans and yet it's… not the same.

The doors shut just as he steps out. He decides he should find out where he is so he turns and tries to get back into his blue box but the doors don't budge.

He uses the key, it doesn't turn. Sonic, doesn't do wood. He lets his head thud against the doors with a sigh.

He finds a shop and picks up a newspaper, the only logical source at this point. The aroma is full of caffeine and sweets.

_Leadworth_. His jaw tightens and he goes stone stiff, his hands almost taking to tearing the thin paper from stark anger.

Then it's all gone. It's all gone because he knows that sound clouding up inside his brain; he's far too familiar with it.

He waits for the recognition but it never comes. So he finally turns in the direction he knows the sound came from.

Her hair is in a lazy ponytail, curls unraveling from their hold because they are as wild as she is, and she's sitting across a child. She's there, his River. So young, so, _so _young. He can't look away because the more he watches the more it is evident that it's not _his _River.

This isn't good. This isn't remotely okay because he's feeling the dread pool at his stomach and its startling clear where he is now.

It's another world. Literally. This dimension is not possible to be in right now and yet here he stands. This could be causing the whole of reality somewhere else to rip itself apart.

He should be running towards the Tardis, breaking down the doors no matter how long it takes because this alternate reality is going to obliterate any of the other parallel worlds out there simply by his presence in it. He's not even sure how many there are, he's only been to one and it did come with a cost.

He's suddenly taken with nausea because this could also be the exact universe Rose is in and like a cruel taste of fate that is his life it has a River in it too.

"Are you alright?"

And the Doctor recognizes _that_ voice.

Rory is several years older, grey haired and looking at him with a worried brow, glasses hanging low on his nose. "You look like you're about to faint, here," Rory pulls out a chair from the closest table, "sit down, I'm a nurse. Mickey, can I get some water over here?"

If the Doctor wasn't already pale he must look like death as another man appears from behind the counter with a fresh glass of water.

"You alright, mate?" Mickey asks, handing him the glass. Mickey Smith. Right in front of him.

The Doctor has to swallow the lump in his throat before nodding, "I'm fine."

"Okay, I'm not buying it." Rory sighs, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"You could say that." The Doctor downs the whole glass in three gulps.

"Right, I'm taking you to the hospital, Mickey tell my daughter I'll call her later yeah?" Rory places a comforting hand on the Doctor's arm.

"No problem, Mr. Williams. I'll go tell Mels right now." Mickey flashes a quick smile before wandering off on his way.

"Okay, come on." Rory helps the Doctor stand and he's too dazed to protest.

**XXX**

Melody watches Jack enjoy his hot chocolate. He has a moustache of foam tracking above his lip. Her little Jack, only five years old today.

"Hi Mickey!" The child smiles wide as Mickey walks towards them.

Mickey smiles back, "Hey, little man. How's you're hot chocolate?"

"It's brilliant!" Jack giggles.

"Pleased to hear it." Mickey ruffles at the small boy's dark brown hair.

"And what brings you to our side of the table, Mr. Smith?" Melody smirks.

"Your dad had to take some bloke to the hospital. The guy seemed pretty out of it, said he'd ring you later." Mickey nodded.

"That's dad, always taking to the wounded." Melody mused, sipping at her own warm coffee.

"How are you holding up?" Mickey sunk down on the seat next to her.

He had that look in his eye. The look everyone around her kept throwing in her direction for the last five months.

"I'm fine." She sighed. Those two words are almost all she seems to say lately. People keep asking and that is the only answer she is willing to give.

Mickey smiled, "You need anything just ask. Catch you later, Jack."

Melody watched her friend walk back to help the awaiting customers. "I'm absolutely fine." She mumbled.

"Mummy, are we going to see nan after this?" little Jack licked at the foam on his lips.

"I'm sure your grandmother would love a visit since you're grandfather has run out on us yet again." Melody smiles, napkin in hand as she wipes at her sons' lip. "Come on, then. Finish up."

**XXX**

The Doctor is sitting down as Rory puts his stethoscope against the Doctor's chest. He can tell by the raised brow Rory is finding more than one heartbeat.

Rory slowly pulls away and lays his stethoscope on the nearby table. "Sounds like you're having an anxiety attack. That or you've got more than one heart." Rory muses, a smile working its way onto his face.

"Some say even one heart is too many." the Doctor replies.

Rory's face, although aged, is still fierce with expression as his eyes soften and a hand comes to rest on the Doctor's shoulder. "What's your name?"

He contemplates making up a name but Rory's standing in front of him. Rory Williams, the last centurion.

"People just call me the Doctor."

Rory grins, "I don't think I can put that down on paper."

"No need," The Doctor pops up from his sitting position, "I'm fine. Really, I am. Thank you for your kindness. But I should be off. I don't belong here."

"Well no one really belongs anywhere, do they? You just sort of land someplace and either you move on or you find something worth sticking around for." Rory shrugged, "Then sometimes you're dragged back to places because you need something familiar."

Rory dug into his pockets and pulled out a picture before handing it to the Doctor, "That's my daughter, Melody."

_River, _the Doctor felt his hearts grow tight as his finger traced over her face in the small photo.

"She moved off to London but she lost her husband five months ago so she and her son are back in Leadworth." Rory's voice trailed off. "I'm sorry I'm not sure why I'm telling you all of this."

"She's beautiful." The Doctor handed the photograph back to Rory, hearts breaking ever more potently as soon as it was out of his hands.

"She really is." Rory agreed, his voice fond and full of love. "But don't let that fool you she can hold her own better than most blokes."

"I can imagine." The Doctor could feel his voice tremble.

He can feel Rory watching him.

"I shouldn't even be at the hospital my hours are up. My wife is going to do my head in." Rory shook his head.

"A real firecracker, eh?" the Doctor smirked.

"To put it mildly, yeah." Rory chuckled. "Why don't you pop over for a cup of tea?"

"Oh, no. No. I really should get going."

"You'd be doing me a favor. Amy can't kill me if I bring home witnesses."

He really should refuse. He doesn't belong here.

* * *

**AN: This happened because I have way too much time on my hands. ****This is like a walking paradox that's not really a paradox with a lot of the companions snuggled right inside of the story. Sort of. Hopefully this goes somewhere. Title from Edmunds' "Thoughts Of Flight"**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Two_.**

Just as Rory pushes the door open the ruckus is heard from the kitchen, pans clanking and the familiar voice of Amelia Pond a sore blessing to the Doctor's ears.

"Roranicus, that better be you! What did I tell you about leaving Melo-" The woman that had faded before him stopped dead in her feet at the sight of joint company.

"Bringing home strays again?!" Amy griped.

Rory only grasped firmly at the Doctor's shoulders and pushed him forward as if to use him as a shield. "This is the… uh, the Doctor."

"He'll be staying for dinner I suppose?" Amy inquired.

"If it's not too much trouble." The Doctor added.

"Of course not," Amy waved a hand, "we've got a plate permanently set for Mr. William's guests since he seems to drag them home anytime he has some explaining to do. Rory, kitchen, now."

"Just take a seat, won't be long now." Rory motioned over to the couch before following his wife.

Rory almost smacked right into Amy when she spun around once in the kitchen, the usual raised brow eyeing him, "Explain."

"Okay, it's not what you think." Rory started.

"Oh, really?" Amy frowned, "Rory, I told you to take Melody out of the house for a reason. She needs to leave the house and she needs to start dealing with what happened. For her sake and for Jack." Amy turned back towards the stove, "So, the Doctor, eh? Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor." Rory explained with a shrug.

**XXX**

The Doctor wandered around the Pond's living room, his eyes growing so much more tired as they landed on various family photos that his Ponds never got to have. Photos of River as an infant and aging in time as it should be with a family that has memories and moments shared in the right order.

The life his Ponds never had because of him.

A certain photo causes him to pause, he picks up the frame and stares in disbelief.

It's River. A wedding photo obviously but…

It's his _tenth_.

River married his Tenth incarnation. Well not _his _tenth obviously, but…

The picture starts so blur and he realizes it's because his hands are shaking.

"You look sad."

The Doctor jumps and finds a small child looking up at him, eyes too old and knowing for a boy his age and the Doctor almost thinks he's looking into a mirror. He places the frame back on the spot he found it, shame bubbling up underneath his skin.

"So do you." The Doctor manages to rasp out. "What's your name?"

"Jack." The boy tilts his head, "What's yours?"

"I'm the Doctor." And he finds himself starting to smile.

"You're different." Jack says.

"How so?" The Doctor has moved closer to the boy, kneeling down in front of him.

"You just are." Jack's hand reaches out and tugs at his bowtie. "And you're funny."

"Well thank you. I think." The Doctor smiles again, realizing that it almost hurts his cheeks to do so because he's not smiled in a very long while.

"Okay, Jack," Amy's voice breaks the silence that has taken up the room, "stop bothering the poor man. Off you go. You, raggedy man, help me set the plates."

_Raggedy man. _

He can only nod blindly because Amy, this Amy, has never met him before and yet she calls him what his Amelia use to.

"Well come on now, the plates aren't going to set themselves." Amy called back to him.

It seems he hadn't moved an inch so he wills his legs to move and he follows her into the kitchen.

Rory's eyes widen slightly at the sight of him as he follows Amy into the kitchen and the man smiles sheepishly as if he had forgotten the Doctor was here.

Amy brings down some plates from the cupboard and hands them to the Doctor, "I imagine you know what to do with these."

A small little smirk and a twinkle in her eye giving him a reason to smile back, "I'm sure I can figure it out."

So the Doctor sets the plates on the table and takes to placing the utensils in proper order. As he does so he's reminded of the last dinner he had with River at Darillium. It comes to him then that River is probably going to join them for this dinner. Well, not River, not _his _River, but _this_ River.

He realizes he should probably be muttering apologies to the Ponds about having to be somewhere and take off but it's all too much.

Then his thoughts are being confirmed from behind him.

"Rory, go get Melody will you? She's been her room since you decided to play nurse earlier." He hears Amy say and he can't help himself. He wants to have it all for one last time.

The Doctor glances at Rory just as he leaves the kitchen and then lets his attention go back to Amy.

"So, Doctor, what kind of near death symptoms did you experience that my dear husband had to go and save you from?" He could hear the smile in Amy's tone, her back to him as she tended to the dinner cooking on the stove.

"He does that often, does he?"

Amy chuckled, "He can't help himself most of the time and sometimes it's a nuisance but it's nice having people around when your loved ones move out or away. This house gets too quiet sometimes."

"Quiet is very bad." The Doctor mutters.

"So it is." Amy sighs and turns to him, "I mean Rory and I are well off into our fifties now and we should be glad to have the free time for just us but it gets lonely. We have a small family, just a daughter. And this house just isn't as lively as it used to be. Melody was a challenge, there's no other way to put it but she's a grown girl now. It's still hard nonetheless, though."

He nods in agreement, "Well, when you have someone around and they become a fixture in that space you occupy life shifts a bit. Little by little this person starts adding life lines of their own and it takes a while but one day you find you can't remember a time when they weren't there and then you can't imagine them not being there. Then that one day comes along, without warning, and things change. Then lives change and people change, people grow or they leave or some of them…"

His voice catches in his throat, he swallows away the thick tremor his voice wants to strangle him with and continues, "Some of them get taken away. There was life before them and there will be life after them but it hurts all the same."

He meets Amy's eyes and he sees warmth there and it's enough to make him feel half-whole again. "It seems you've been through quite a hardship too." She comments, almost all too knowingly.

Jack pops into the kitchen and Amy jumps a bit.

"Jack, you're going to give me a heart attack!" Amy shakes her head, "He's always doing that, coming in out of nowhere." Amy grimaces and turns her attention back to the food.

"Sorry gran." Jack settles into a chair at the table.

The Doctor smirks at the young boy.

Rory makes his way back into the kitchen, "She's on her way down." Rory sounds relieved, victorious even.

The Doctor gets a feeling he's not the only one who's been cutting himself off from the living. Even when they don't belong to the same universe he and River seem to be somewhat in sync.

The moment she comes into his sight it's like breathing for the first time after being drowned. His throat constricts and his lungs gasp silently in his chest, body going stiff and exhaustion taking claim on him.

"Melody, this is the Doctor." Amy chimes in.

"Another one of father's play dates. How lovely." She offers the Doctor a small smile before taking a seat next to her son.

Her voice is like music to his ears. He feels Rory's hands on his shoulders guiding him into the seat next to Melody's.

"Everyone in their assigned seats, then?" Amy asks, maneuvering herself around the table, dropping off two plates filled with food onto the center of the hard surface. Rory helps her with the other three plates.

Rory falls into his chair and smiles, "Let's get this dinner started, shall we?"


	3. Chapter 3

**_Three. _**

"What is it exactly that you do, Doctor?" Amy asked. "Mr. Pond, pass the salt."

"This and that mostly I try to keep myself busy, that usually leads to me getting tangled up in shenanigans but not all the time. Well… most of the time but_ definitely_ not all the time." He nods but Amy keeps looking at him funny.

"Most of the time you say?" the redhead raises a brow.

"_Okay_," the Doctor huffs, "all of the time."

"Mother," Melody scolds.

"Oh, I'm just weighing him out! He's a big boy he can take care of himself, can't you Doctor?" Amy grins, taking yet another sip of her wine (third glass, actually). "Even if you do look like a toddler." She adds, giggling.

"Okay, I think that's enough for you." Rory pulls the glass out of her hand.

The Doctor notices Riv- _Melody, he reminds himself - _Melody hasn't even touched her food.

Rory and Amy have taken to arguing over the wine bottle Amy is holding out of Rory's reach so the Doctor takes that as an opportunity to try and talk to her.

He racks at his brain for something inconspicuous and something to be passed off as conversational and not to sound as if he's prying.

He finds the obvious right in front of him. _Of course. _The Last Centurion and The Girl Who Waited, he's never going to be able to stop marveling at them. "They are something, aren't they?"

Melody seems startled by his attention. "Oh, yes." She hurriedly agrees. "Mum and dad have always been quite a sight."

"I imagine it runs in the family." He muses; the sound of her voice makes his chest tighten unbearably.

Her expression is quite torn. "That's very nice of you to say."

"Going on what I've seen and what I've heard it's not exactly me being nice it's just finally being confirmed as a fact."

He could tell she was puzzled with his kindness. He's not sure if she hasn't experienced it enough and that why she's suspicious or it's something else but it bothers him deeply in any case. It's almost as if she doesn't know she's the most brilliant thing to have ever soared across the sky.

Then he remembers she probably doesn't know. He doubts this River (_Melody_) has jumped out of spaceships and into a blue police box like it's a taxi. He doubts this River (_Melody!, _his inner voice screams, a sort of mental scolding which _really isn't helping_) would trust him enough to catch her when she falls. He doubts he can even try to be anything but a stranger to her now.

One thing he is sure of is that she's lived a stable life with her parents like she should have because here she lives without him.

"Forgive me for saying this but you look immensely sad." Her voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

"Eh, rough decade." He tries to make it sound light and casual but he can see she's not buying it. She nods anyway but her eyes tear away from him and he misses the attention already. "I lost someone."

Melody's eyes widen and almost sparkle when she looks at him and it's heartbreaking because it's genuine sadness that shines behind them. Not the doe eyed love struck sparkle, the pain of loss and recognition that someone else out there knows what it feels like.

"I'm sorry." She mumbles. "I didn't mean to…"

"Not at all." He smirks, letting his hand reach out and simply brush his fingers against her own.

Amy and Rory watch their daughter and their guest conversing. The two can't seem to keep their eyes off of each other.

Rory nudges Jack gently to follow him out of the room and Amy follows in suit, one more look back at her daughter seeming to finally be opening herself up to someone.

**XXX**

Amy has just tucked in Jack and she meets Rory at the end of the hallway.

"I don't know how you found him but you need to get him to stick around." She whispers fiercely, poking his chest with one firm finger.

He winces and shoos her hand away, "Amy, I can't exactly _make_ him do anything now, can I?"

"Oh, of course you can." Amy insists.

Rory gapes, "Amy-"

"No, look Rory, Melody doesn't speak to anyone and she's talking to_ him_. A guy she barely met. She's been seeing that wacky therapist for weeks now and she hasn't even said a word to him about what happened, god knows she doesn't talk to us either!"

"He's not a therapist! We can't pay him to get Melody to talk." Rory snaps.

"Keep your voice down!" Amy smacks his shoulder. "And who says we can't?!"

"Oh, God," Rory pinches at the bridge of his nose, he feels a headache coming on, "Nope, too much. I'm going go to rake leaves."

He disappears towards the front lawn and ignores his wife's threats.

**XXX**

By the time the Doctor and Melody notice everyone else has discretely left the dinner table she offers to make some tea.

When it's ready she hands him a cup and sits back in the chair beside him.

"It was my wife." He reveals to her.

"What happened?"

The Doctor smiles, he feels it the only thing he can do because it seems like the proper response to give. He doesn't want to acknowledge why but deep down he knows it's because he wants to hide behind that smile a little bit longer. Just try to shove it down and bury it one smile after another.

"Time." He finally says and notes that her hands have started shaking.

She places her cup on the table and offers a smile of her own, "I lost my husband. It's sort of ironic." She chuckles, "Two strangers occupying a mirrored residency in grief. Small world we live in."

"Quite the contrary. The world is anything but small. It's old and worn and full of disasters, but new and reborn and beautiful all at the same time. It takes footsteps to pave way to wondrous and devastating things that come hand in hand with each other, both life lines that need to exist to carry on functioning. You have to sail the oceans and even fight the darkest of gods to find that piece that is missing. The world isn't small, life is just impossibly short and most of us don't get a chance to see how big it is until you meet that someone who expands everything around you. Makes the journey never-ending so long as they are there by your side and nothing is impossible. And then sometimes the world closes in and it's too late to prologue the inevitable."

"His name was John."

"Her name was River."

**XXX**

The Doctor had finally been able to drag himself away from her, from this. Or more accurately she pulled away from him. Time had stretched on and it was late now, time for bed. The sky had turned from the light pinkish-yellow sky of earlier to a deep blue, the only consolation the bright stars shining in small bursts of light as if paving way from the darkness.

It was time, he reminded himself.

It's no help that just as he is about to reach for the front door another reason to linger is placed in front of him with the voice of Amy Pond stilling his escape.

"And where exactly do you think you're headed off to?"

He turns around to find her standing with a hand on her hip, not exactly cross but definitely ready to give out a scolding.

"I believe I've worn out my welcome." The Doctor replies. "It was a lovely dinner I can't thank you enough for it, I haven't sat down with a family for dinner in a long time."

"Rory told me you're new in town, is that right?" Amy asked.

"Oh, I'm just passing through."

Amy ignores that, "So you don't have any current housing then?"

"No, no, just passing through, me." He repeats, and if he wasn't nervous before (which he had been because this is just not supposed to be happening) he is definitely nervous now.

This isn't his Amelia but he knows enough to know that _that _particular face means Amy is plotting away in that impossible ginger head of hers. _That_ face is up to no good because his Amelia knew how to use it to get her way and he's positive this Amelia knows how to use it as well.

"Nonsense! Stay and smell the roses, Doctor."

She's smiling now and, _oh god_, he should start running away now.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Four._**

Rory's been outside for a while now. Raking leaves was a much more favorable option than Amy badgering him into holding the Doctor hostage, which let's be honest that's exactly where that conversation would have been headed.

He's sliding back inside the house from the backyard and that's when he hears it. That sly 'closing in on your prey' tone.

"So you don't have any current housing then?"

"No, no, just passing through, me." the Doctor's voice holds a slight tremble.

"Nonsense! Stay and smell the roses, Doctor." A pause, "We have a guestroom set and everything Rory insisted on making me get it ready for you!"

He slams the door and charges straight into the living room, disbelief not even close to what he's feeling right now, "Oh, dear God Amy!"

His wife turns to him, mouth agape and a slight guilt sets on her expression now that she's been caught.

"Doctor, I am so sorry, forgive my wife. She's set in her ways and most of the time it's not her place at all." He sends a glare Amy's way and that silences her from the obvious retort she was about to make.

"It's fine, really." the Doctor insists.

"No, it's not fine!" Amy shouts.

"Amy-" Rory starts.

"No, Rory!" she turns her attention to the Doctor now. "Doctor, please you can't go. You're the first person Melody's seemed to trust in a very long time and I can't just let you walk out of that door like Mr. Pond over here can. I know I don't know you and you don't know us and it's not on you to help us but the fact is we need you. We need your help, please, _please_, I'm begging you."

The Doctor glanced at Rory and could see that Amy was saying everything he wouldn't allow himself to.

"You haven't even told us your real name, just that you're called the Doctor." Amy adds. "I have half a guess that it's not necessarily for medical reasons and yet from the moment I saw you I couldn't think of anything else to call you that would sound more appropriate. I literally don't know anything about you but I get the feeling that you've saved so many lives already, of that I am certain. No one can be that kind and yet look so alone unless they have had to carry several lives on their shoulders. Please, stay."

**XXX**

Rory had excused himself and Amy into the kitchen.

The Doctor collapsed onto the sofa. He ran a hand over his face and shut his eyes tightly. He should have known something like this would happen. He should have known better but he never lets things be, does he?

And Amy, Amelia Pond. Even in a world where he doesn't belong his dear Pond has faith in him, faith that never wavers. Faith that in the end does nothing but lead them into his own messes.

**XXX**

Rory pulls a chair out and sits down at the table, head falling into his hands. His silence is unnerving and it seems to stretch forever and he won't look at her.

"Please say something." Amy begs.

"This was our problem. Ours, Amy."

"You know he can help her." She slides into the chair beside him. "You know it, you felt it didn't you? There's something about him. He just fits, here, with us."

"Rory." Amy pulls at his hands hiding his face away from her.

"I know." He admits. "And this is going to make me sound like a nutter but she looks at him like… like she looked at John. Not even like he's a replica, just… and the way he looks at her…" Rory shakes his head, not even knowing how any of this could possibly make sense.

They both look up as the Doctor walks into the kitchen.

"I'm going to need to get some things sorted out."

Amy stands, "Of course, Doctor. Anything you need to do."

"I won't be long." He nods, "Perhaps by morning..."

He doesn't finish the sentence and with that he leaves the room and they both hear the front door a shut a few moments later.

**XXX**

He walks his way back to his Tardis, the night silent and skies fogless and startlingly clear. The night is almost too silent which only leaves every thought in his head sounding impossibly loud.

Finally a few feet away from his beloved blue box he falls forward, sliding down to the concrete beneath his feet. He would cry, he would… he _should_ but he just stays slumped there on the ground. His only support holding him together was the hard surface of his Tardis that he's scrunched up against, limbs starting to ache beneath his skin as time passes.

It is with great surprise that finally as he reaches up to lay a hand on her blue doors that the door falls open against his palm, creaking a bit at the hinges.

Scrambling up to his feet is difficult but he does so quickly and is soon shutting the doors behind him. He locks them.

On the steps leading up to the console he eyes two suitcases. He maneuvers around them and starts pulling at levers and pressing buttons hoping for some sign of life so he can run.

_You watch us run._

The memory of River's voice rings so clear in his head. Clearer than it has since he lost her and the texture of how real it sounds takes his breath away. Tears start to sting against his eyelids but he keeps them shut tightly, refusing them a chance to bring forth his grief.

He's cried once since she died. Once. Letting himself do it again has been avoided spectacularly since he traded those feeling in for fake smiles and loneliness.

The Tardis makes no sound. Not even a fragment of a ghost lingers in the room.

He allows himself a single breath of defeat, accepts it and picks up the suitcases. He steps out of the Tardis knowing that she probably won't open her doors for him again. Not for a very long while.

The Ponds thank him again when they've led him to the spare room across from theirs, shutting the door behind them.

For the first time in months when he shuts his eyes he falls asleep without nightmares but instead a voice chiming comforts that starts to settle in his bones.

"_Oh, my beautiful idiot. You have what you've always had." His Tardis had said, "You've got me."_

**XXX**

Amy and Rory are having their morning coffee when Melody walks in. They stiffen considerably.

"Morning." Their daughter mumbles.

Amy kicks at Rory's foot from underneath the table.

"Uh, morning." He squeaks out.

Amy's face then brightens considerably. "Got a few errands I'd like you to run, Melody."

Melody's eyes widen, "Mother dear, can't dad do it he's going out anyways."

"Full time shift at the hospital." Rory adds quickly, clearing his throat. "I have to do… medical things."

He shrugs at the look Amy throws him. Melody fills her own cup of caffeine and mutters several complaints before walking out of the kitchen.

Amy swats Rory's arm with the newspaper in her hand, "Medical things?!"

"It's what sprang to mind!" He says in his defense.

"Way to go stupid face now go get ready so you can drop her off before she tries to find a way out of it."

**XXX**

"Hah! Melody Smith. You're a sight for sore eyes today." Mickey says as she leans against the countertop. "Figured you'd be hibernating for the rest of the season."

Melody grins, "Cheeky. I'll have the usual."

"Vanilla Latte, coming up." Mickey shakes his head as she starts to rummage inside her purse for money. "On the house Mels."

"Mickey…" she starts.

"Just sit yourself down, woman." He smiles.

"Cheeky and demanding!" She laughs and does as he says, sitting at her favorite table up front where the windows are and she can distract herself with the people walking by.

Mickey never takes long with preparing orders, so he's setting her latte down on the table a few moments later. "There you go."

He pulls out the chair opposite her and sits down.

"Anything on your mind?" she asks, knowing that face of his too well to know he's probably going to try to drag her into something. Possibly something sociable, with people and right now she hates people.

They are always going on about how sorry they are for her loss and how she's doing and it had grown to be the only thing ever talked about anymore.

He grins. "My gran's birthday is coming up and I wanted to know if you'd help me with the planning."

"What's in it for me?"

"I don't know, I mean," he sighs, "You've just been feeling poorly, I know that. You don't talk about it but I know. I know you and it's completely up to you but I wouldn't mind spending quality time with one of my best mates."

Melody bites her lip. Hesitant. "Fine." She agrees trying to pull off a grimace but only ends up with a silly grin plastering itself on her face, "When do you need me?"

**XXX**

The Doctor steps out of his room, finally, and is hit him then. The sudden reality of what he's gotten himself into when the voice of Amy Pond reaches his ears. He follows the sound.

"Not the egg yolks Jack!"

Still, a tiny smile starts to form. When he peeks into the kitchen he sees egg shells on the floor, Jack with flour on his nose and Amy smiling down at her grandson. She turns her attention to the Doctor then as if she sensed him the moment he appeared.

"Well get in here raggedy man I made you breakfast."

Her smile is enough to calm his nerves. For now.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Five. _**

"Well I finally got her out of the house. Twice in a week, that's a record." Amy smiles.

"I haven't exactly been in anyone's company in ages either." The Doctor relays. He doesn't think elaborating on how long it's been would help in any way.

_Well, Amelia, it's been 648 days since I saw any form of light that didn't come from inside the Tardis walls, by the way that's my time machine. Tardis – time and relative dimension in space. Actually another version of you created your daughter in that Tardis, possibly on a bunk bed I didn't exactly work out the details, but pack your bags, get the Centurion lets go see some more planets, come along Pond!_

Yeah, he smirks, that wouldn't go over well at all.

"So," Amy glanced at Jack, who had busied himself up drawing on several blank sheets of paper with deep concentration, before turning her full attention back to the Doctor, "have any family around these parts?"

"I… did. I lost them. All of them, actually." He smiles, once again taking those feelings of loss and pushing them back down into his own little box of oblivion with one gesture. A gesture that should be made with happiness in the heart and light in the eyes but for him it's always served as a façade for every passing year he continues to live through.

"How did you lose them?"

The question leaves the pain growling at his continued stubbornness. It's taken to simmering gently, overflowing and begging to be released with every second that passes him by. It has aged and grown inside of him, festering beneath the skin.

"By keeping them too close. Not letting them go when it would have been the only thing to save them all." He blinks away the tears. Stubborn to the bone is what he is.

"You don't really believe that do you?" Amy frowned, "Family _is_ keeping them too close. It's never letting go because time eventually runs out, for all of us, and you have to hold onto each other until the very last breath because in the end that's all you'll ever have. Each other."

"Oh, Pond." The Doctor took Amy's hand in his, just out of habit.

To his surprise she didn't pull away or stiffen from the sudden action but instead squeezed back gently.

The telephone in the living room started going off.

Amy excused herself.

"Well then Jack, what have you got here?" The Doctor leaned over to glance at the boy's drawing.

He pales at the sight.

It was a field. Not just any field, a field he and many others spent chasing after one other once a lazy afternoon presented itself.

A field the Doctor remembers from his childhood

Jack had drawn a field from Gallifrey.

**XXX**

Melody unlocked the front door.

"Mum? I'm back." She called out, leaning against the door as it shut. God, she's glad to be back. Too much sunlight and too many people are out there in the world. Chattering about and smiling at each other, it's not decent to be so happy, is it?

The house was still too silent. "Mum?"

Melody made her way into the kitchen and set down the bags of groceries she was sent out to get. There was a note on the table.

_Mels, went out for some ice cream with Jack and our new friend the Doctor. We'll have a talk when we get back. Love, mum._

Melodyfelt a smile spread on her face, an unnamed feeling stirring. She started putting away all of the stuff she bought to pull away from whatever that feeling was. She didn't want to think about it. Too much thinking is always a bad idea.

Not to mention she'd sort put herself in a position to deal with more people by helping Mickey plan for his grandmothers birthday party. She's dreading it already.

Perhaps some sort of medical emergency will help get her out of it. She could very well convince her father to help, she knows how persuasive she can be and her dad never could resist her of anything if she played her cards right.

She sighs. This is what it has gotten to. Planning a fake injury to get out of helping a friend. She feels horrible now for even thinking up such a plan.

**XXX**

"How do you do that?" Amy finds herself asking the Doctor once they've sat down at a bench near the ice cream shop; the three of them enjoying the small treat.

"Pardon?" The Doctor frowns.

"That, this… I don't even know what to call it." Amy chews on her bottom lip for a moment. "It's been two days and it already feels like I've known you for years. Which is impossible since you're all baby faced and I'm well enough to reaching ancient."

The Doctor grinned, "Oh, believe me Amelia Pond I am more ancient than you could ever be."

Amy grinned, "See! That's what I'm talking about. You say the daftest things and yet somehow I have a feeling that you're telling the truth!"

A few moments of silence passed until Amy spoke again.

"And nobody calls me Amelia. Not in ages."

He watches this Amy happily enjoying her ice cream even if it is rather cold out. His smile fades as his hearts ache at the memory of _his_ Amelia.

He remembers one night Amy caught him sneaking around in the Tardis, asking if he did this often. Running around having adventures while she and Rory slept. She was worrying herself over her memories since they were all a timey-wimey mess in that ginger head of hers.

He told Amy to think about her saddest memory as a child. It was in 1994 and she had dropped her ice cream cone. Amy recalled what happened in her younger years and how some funny woman with red hair who was in her nightie bought her another one.

"_This nice lady what did she say?" _he had asked.

"_Cheer up, have an ice cream." _Amy had answered.

"_Amy, time and space is never, ever going to make any kind of sense. A long time ago you got the best possible advice on how to deal with that. So I suggest you go and give it."_

So they went to 1994 and Amy bought her younger self an ice cream cone.

Amy, this Amy, laughed and it brought him back to where he was now. Sitting at a bench with Amy and her grandson.

"It's mad isn't it?" she asked, cheeks rosy from the cool air. The wind was picking up and she shivered slightly.

"Would it be wrong to believe, in another life perhaps, that you and I did many things together?" the Doctor smiled. "You and me, Amy. Like a fairytale."

"I could believe that." Amy smiled, casting a glance at Jack. "We best get back. It's getting way to cold out here. C'mon Jack, don't want you getting a cold now do we?"

The Doctor realizes as they make their way back that every smile he had given that day was genuine. He'd forgotten how they felt, how they warmed his hearts. Smiles with actual happiness.

**XXX**

Melody is making some soup for dinner when she hears the front door click open and assumes it's her mother.

"Amy?" the voice calls out.

She gasps, leaving the soup and marching into the other room. There he stood, her father. "You said you had a full day of work at the hospital!"

Rory winced, "Sorry, sweetheart. It's just… you've been cooped up here for weeks. It's not healthy."

"Dad," she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself, "it's not your place to decide what is good for me and what isn't."

"That's not fair. My place is taking care of you, I'm your dad. That's my job. You haven't even talked about it. That's not healthy. Not for anyone."

Melody feels herself start to feel dizzy so she sits down in the armchair a few feet away. Rory is by her side immediately, kneeling down and taking her shaking hands in his.

"I don't want to talk about it." She mutters, her voice shaken and _tired_. "If I talk about it, it's real."

Rory wipes a tear away from his daughter's face. The first tear he's seen fall since her husband's funeral. She had cried that entire day but the next day, and the day after that, and the days following she hadn't let herself do it again.

"Why don't you go off to bed I'm sure you're tired. I'll make you a cup of tea." He offers.

She nods, "Okay."

When she stands Rory takes his little girl into his arms and wonders how she got to this. How did everything in her life go from being wonderful and happy, married to a man who loved her so fully and completely to a life full of loneliness and misery and loss?

He just doesn't understand it. He sends her off and when he takes her a cup of tea kisses her forehead and tells her to sleep. He tells her it will all be better when she wakes up. He really hopes it will be.

On his way back he sees Amy, Jack and the Doctor coming in through the front door.

Amy's smile fades when she looks at Rory properly.

"Where is she?" she asks.

Rory sighs, "Sent her upstairs."

Amy nods, turning to Jack, "Okay little man, why don't you go watch something on the tv for a bit, I'll come get you soon." Jack nods and sprints up the stairs to his room. Once he's out of sight Amy starts with the questions.

They end up in the kitchen, Amy tending to the abandoned soup, and the Doctor can only listen as Rory relays everything that had happened.

"I don't think she's going to get over this." Rory says.

"Oi, shut it Rory." Amy snaps. "Don't say that."

"Amy, she can't even say it! Even thinking about it… she's not well." he argued.

"We're just going to have to try harder." Amy insisted.

The Doctor finally spoke, "Perhaps she needs time away. From here. From everything."

Amy and Rory looked at each other.

"She won't even leave the house unless you force her to." Rory pointed out.

"You don't force her." The Doctor could feel a plan forming in his head.

"I think we went over that bit with the whole she won't leave without being forced to."

That earned Rory a smack upside the head.

"Let the Doctor finish." Amy declared, pulling out the chair beside her husband and sitting down. Both Ponds eagerly listened to what the Doctor had in mind.

* * *

**FYI: The flashback/reference of the Doctor and Amy buying young Amy an ice cream comes from the minisode on Series 6 called 'Good Night'.**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Six._**

Melody was up early the next day. Too bloody early the sun hadn't even come up yet just grey dusky clouds. Morose and already feeding the daily overwhelming dread.

Rory was securing his bathrobe and jumped at the sight of her in the kitchen. The lights weren't even on so catching a glimpse of a shadowed figure sitting in his kitchen at four thirty in the morning isn't a usual routine for him.

The mass amount of hair that can only belong to one person gives her away though.

"Christ. You do know your dad's prone to get heart attacks pretty easily these days?"

Rory waits for a witty retort but it never comes. He sighs, doesn't even bother flicking on lights and just heads over to pour himself some of the already made coffee.

The chair beside his daughter scrapes loudly against the floor's tile when he pulls it out and takes a seat.

"We didn't mean to lie to you." He starts. "We just wish you to stop hurting and in that we will do anything and everything to make that happen. There are no limits to what me and your mum would do. You need to let this go. Not him, not John. _This_. This refusal to let yourself feel what is rightly yours to feel."

Melody's voice doesn't hold the usual complacent confidence when she finally does decide to speak. Even if she's not confident at all her voice never, ever fails to stay steady and sure.

"Jack needs me to be strong."

Rory want to reach over and hold her hand but knows better when to leave some things alone. "Sometimes the strongest act is to let yourself be weak when you need to. How can you be any stronger if you don't take time to acknowledge what your weaknesses are? You need to know what you're up against and sad thing is most of the time it's you against yourself."

There is silence for a good long while. When the sun finally starts to reveal itself and Rory can see Melody's features a little better he thinks what he said is sinking in bit by bit.

Knows it actually now that she looks at him.

Rory finally takes a sip of his coffee and it is _horrid_. It has gone cold and he spits it back into the mug immediately.

Melody chuckles and takes the mug from him, "I'll make you another."

A smile breaks out across his face. Hope fills him up. Hope that she can move forward instead of staying at a standstill and burying herself alive.

The mug is soon placed in his hands and it's warm and perfect and amazing, "Oh, bless you."

His daughter then slides back into her chair, "By the way," Melody's sly tone makes him freeze. Now _there's_ the unwavering confidence. This however is a very Amy-like tone. The Amy-like tone of entrapment.

"When were you going to tell me you've taken a lodger and have let him move in across your room?"

Rory grins sheepishly, "Right. That was your mum's doing."

Melody nods but she doesn't seem one bit convinced even though technically he was telling the truth. Amy did in fact corner the Doctor and Rory had no part in that.

"Of course it was." His daughter mutters before leaving the kitchen.

He's not sure who he should be more afraid of, Amy or Melody.

Both.

Both is always the right answer.

**XXX**

The Doctor knocked on Melody's door. Amy had busied herself getting Jack ready to go out so the Doctor could set the plan in motion. He remembers Amy's voice, strong and determined last night.

"_Rory will be at the hospital, Jack and I will be off and that way she'll not be able to have an excuse." _

The door is flung open then and he is greeted with her face. "Yes?"

He's stunned. Can't quite still get use to her living and breathing and so very real.

He catches himself staring and offers a smile, "I was just wondering if you'd like to join me."

Melody looks away. He can tell she's thinking up some way to turn him down lightly so he speaks before she can come up with something.

"I know we barely know each other but I find myself very at ease when I'm with you and I really would love it if you would accompany me out for a stroll." He pauses before laying out the final piece of… bait. Because that's exactly what it is there is no way around that. He pushes past his growing guilt and continues.

"I haven't talked about my wife with anyone. I did for the first time. With you. I was hoping… no. No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be putting this on you, just forget I popped over I'll be on my way."

He starts to walk away.

"Wait!" she calls back.

He cringes. Yes, very guilty indeed.

He turns round and she smiles, "Of course I'll accompany you, Doctor."

**XXX**

Melody spread out one the blankets they had packed for the sort-of picnic at the park without said picnic basket and some very cold weather.

The huddled up together and draped the other two blankets on top of them.

"How did you meet your wife?" Melody asked, hoping for the warmth to start settling in between them. "I mean, only if you want to talk about it." She rushed to point out.

"No, of course, it's fine. River and I met in one of the most difficult circumstances imaginable. In fact even when I sorted it out I'd still get headache thinking about it." He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Still, it was the most terrifying moment when she walking into my life. Terrifying because she was just so…" he tried to find the words to properly explain it in a way that didn't make him sound certifiably mad in this world's standards.

It's not like he could go on about mixed timelines and the alien races that stole her away from her parents, or how he use to wear her husband's face, the whole re-booting the universe and Rory dying on that Saturday before Halloween _(or was it Sunday? It was definitely on a Saturday, the fourth time he died or was it the fifth?)_, or how she had to watch him die _while_ she was killing him _while_ Amy was pregnant with her all at the same time.

No. No, there is no way of explaining all of that and not sound like a complete and utter madman. He's the madman with a box not the madman with a straight jacket.

"She was my future and it was obvious just by the way she was standing right in front of me. I didn't feel it at that time but deep down I _knew_ it to be true and it scared the living daylights out of me. Then the more I saw her, the more glimpses would reveal themselves and she was mad and clever and utterly impossible. Unfathomable, even."

He glanced over at Melody and her face was gleaming.

"Just by the look on your face I can tell she changed everything, didn't she?"

"Rewrote possibly everything in the book, I dare say." He nods. "Not to mention her parents were my best friends." He winces, thinking back to Berlin in Hitler's office.

Mels regenerating into River. River glowing with glee at her new appearance then taking to pressing flush against him as she wiggled her way in-between his legs. The warmth of her body invading his personal space sending a heated shiver down his spine and thoughts, his own most secret thoughts he'd been having about her future self since the Byzantium, well… those thoughts were pulled out of his denial box that day.

Rory's hand had clasped at his shoulder just moments after River had dashed out of the room only to have a gun in her hand when she had returned.

That was a really stressful first date but he guesses he deserved it after his idea of a first date with Rose was to take her to the end of the world.

"What about you? How did you meet this John Smith?"

He expects this is going to be interesting because the first thing Melody does is roll her eyes. It's a _fond but utterly ridiculous_ sort of mannerism and he loves those kinds of stories that accompany it.

"I met John at college. He was the genius know it all on campus, practically taught Professor Ingraham's physics class even though he hadn't even graduated yet, took over half a year for some of Professor Dana's chemistry class, not to mention he was always sitting in on various biology classes he had already taken just because he thought he was clever."

"You don't sound impressed." the Doctor smiles.

"Not in the slightest." Melody grinned, "He was tall and thin and had ridiculous hair and he dared comment against one of my zoology papers which wasn't even in his line of study he was just trading affectionate barbs with my teacher as I handed it in. Of course everyone on the staff was so fond of him. No one could get a word in edgewise when he was going on about something."

Melody picked at the blanket, wide grin fading to a fond smile, a private smile, "Until I came along, that is."

"Had him under your thumb after that I expect."

Melody laughed, "Quite the contrary, Doctor! He drove me mad and I often wanted to strangle him with that idiotic blue tie of his. He graduated a year later and that was that, or so I thought. It wasn't until I ran into an old roommate I had when I first got to London later in the Christmas holidays that I'd run into him again."

Melody sighed, full on grinning now.

"Anyway, she invited me over for Christmas dinner and I was mad at mum for some odd thing or another so I took her up on it. I arrived, we had some wine until there was a knock at the door and low and behold he walks into her living room and I couldn't help spitting out my wine in shock. I mean, how in the world could this have happened?! And why me?!" Melody chuckled.

"Does this roommate have a name?" he asked, highly engrossed in her story and the spirit behind every word.

"She does. Did. She passed away a few years ago, was working at a shop and it exploded. Her name was Rose."

Melody feels her memories taking hold of her which doesn't let her notice that the Doctor had gone white as a sheet.

* * *

_So just fyi, I have been debating integrating memories of Melody and John Smith (10th Doctor) into the story and have decided why not? The next part will probably have those flashbacks. Thanks so much for the comments and for reading!_


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: So, this part is solely based on recollecting John Smith (10th Doctor) & Melody's story beginning exactly from the last part's revelation on how John & Melody met. Hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

_**Seven.**_

_Rose was by her side immediately offering her a napkin, "My god, Mels, you alright?" _

"_Fine, fine, the wine just got caught in my throat that's all." She quickly brushed Rose away, excusing herself into loo._

_Melody splashed some cool water in her face and took a few deep breaths. Really? No, really? What exactly was life playing at here? If life is set on ruining Christmas then it's got a marvelous head start._

_She avidly avoids John Smith for the first hour and a half until he is suddenly by her side as she's enjoying watching the snow fall from the window._

"_So, Melody Pond, archeologist. That's still the title you're going for isn't it?Welll-, archeologist in training you can't be that clever to skip a few grades up. It's not like you're me after all." John's tone was mocking._

"_And you're still an asinine knob. Good we've got our titles out in the open. Ready for the sword fight or are you not up for battle? Being an arse can take a lot out of a bloke."_

_John's smile stretched a mile wide, hand taking to scratching at the back of his neck absentmindedly._

_That smile really shouldn't have been able to take her breath away._

"_Haven't quite had anyone insult me in such a venomous manner in a while, miss me much then?" His grin is far too cheeky and eyes could almost pass off as… affectionate._

_She scoffed, "Oh, yes dear. So much in fact that I'd like to run you over with my car so that I'll have a piece of you for myself always." _

_John's eyes alight, "__Touché."_

_Melody finds she's not so set on being difficult tonight, not on Christmas. She decides to make at light conversation. "So, how do you know Rose?" _

"_Oh, typical human interaction for the most part of it. She was out looking for jobs and my aunt Sarah Jane offered her one part time. She's a journalist, slash investigator don't tell anyone. Anyway Rose did some research for background stories and … stuff. We ended up travelling across to the states and back. We were inseparable for a very long time." _

"_Well I can't help but say she deserves better." Melody smirked._

_John laughed, genuinely glowing with amusement. He shook his head and caught his breath before saying, "You are a different breed Melody Pond."_

"_Someone has to put you in your place." She glances up at him, surprised that he's watching her intently._

"_No one's ever managed to do that so effortlessly. Well done." With a small nod John walks on over to Rose and Mickey chatting away beside the Christmas tree._

_Jackie's voice then comes blustering in, "Pictures, pictures, everyone gather 'round! Oh, come now, I'm having none of that bad hair nonsense Rose. Melody, come on love, you as well, get in here."_

**XXX**

The third time Melody Pond comes across John Smith it is under the worst circumstances imaginable. It had been two years since that unexpected Christmas and she'd be lying if she said his ridiculous face hadn't come to mind more often than not during that time. She was visiting her parents in Leadworth that weekend.

**XXX**

"_Bullocks" Rory frowned, "I use to be better at this, hold on, new game." _

_Melody sighed as her father, yet again, rearranged the chess pieces for another go (seventh game, actually). _

_She could hear the phone ringing in the distance before her mother, she assumes, answered it. _

_The silence that followed didn't sit well in the air. Melody is up and out of her chair once her mother walks into the room._

"_Oh, Melody, I'm so sorry. That was your friend Mickey. The friend that we met when we went to London to see you, he called abou-"_

"_Rose." The name slipped out without a thought. For some reason or another Rose's name came forefront just by the nerves building in her chest, Melody's heart racing._

_Amy nodded, "Melody, I am so sorry."_

"_Mum spit it out!" Melody snapped, knowing it was bad news. It could be nothing but bad news by the look on her mother's face._

"_There was a gas leak in the building she worked at. She didn't make it."_

**XXX**

_Mickey was the one who rushed into her arms the moment she walked into the memorial service. _

"_Can't believe it. Never gonna get anything done without her." Mickey mumbled against her neck._

"_I know." That was the only response she could find that would be of any comfort._

_She holds Mickey a bit tighter until he excuses himself and goes to get some fresh air. She offers what she can to Jackie, lets her friend's mum keep her by her side during the service. _

_It's only when she catches a glimpse of John sliding out through the front doors that she pardon's herself from Jackie's side. She hadn't even thought he would have been here, but of course he would. He and Rose had been undoubtedly intimate in every sense of the word._

_It's colder than it was when she got here. She tugs her coat closer around her and wanders towards the side of the building. She pauses when she sees John sitting at a bench nearby, head in his hands and shoulders shaking. He's crying._

_She knows she should go. Leave him some privacy but she finds herself sitting beside him. She lays her hand out and soon he's taken it in his. Grasping it tightly, perhaps a bit too tight and his silent tears turn into full on sobs._

_She takes him in her arms then. He holds onto her. _

_He feels like an oncoming storm and yet she feels herself strong and steady like a river. _

_They fit._

_When they get back inside they go their separate ways. No words were spoken between the two of them but they didn't really need to be spoken to be heard. _

_Jackie hugs her for the millionth time and keeps going on about how Rose always had only good words about Melody. Always a smile on her face when she talked about her. She tells Melody to come around for tea soon. Even makes her promise too._

**XXX**

The fourth time is not fate. It's deliberate.

**XXX**

_It's been a good six months or so since Rose had passed. She had visited Jackie and Mickey had stuck to her like glue and vice versa. _

_Melody is making her way to her flat and she spots a too familiar brown overcoat and the lanky man who owned it leaning against her door._

"_Well this is a little daring." She said, trying to keep her surprise hidden. _

_John raised the bottle of wine he had in his hand. She hadn't noticed that._

"_Heard you got an 'A' on an exam, figured it was a chance to celebrate your success."_

_She was sort of stunned. She's gotten an 'A' mostly on everything, how was that reason to celebrate? And with him of all people?_

"_And how exactly did you find out about my gleaming academic achievements?" she walked until she was right beside him, him staring down at her with that stupid face of his. _

_Melody turned to unlock her flat. "Then again it's not exactly like you paid attention enough to notice the first time around that I'm quite exceptional at many things that even you couldn't possibly hope to compete against."_

_John followed her inside and shut the door while Melody fetched them some glasses. _

"_Mickey may have mentioned it a while ago."_

_Melody grinned, taking the wine bottle and pouring each of them a glass. "Oh, stalking? I see, sorry to say but you do look the type sweetie."_

"_It's not stalking, it's research." His eyes softened then, no longer teasing._

_The look scared her so she made an attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere._

"_So then, where are you? What have you been up to?"_

"_Other than stalking?" he grinned, his tone light again, "Let's see… how much time do you have?"_

_Melody threw her head back and laughed. _

"_Oh, you are just…" she was cut off because there he was. With that look again. Eyes no longer weightless but holding so much meaning behind them and they're focused on her. It's a bit too much coming from him._

"_Melody Pond, I never thanked you for what you did that day."_

_She remembers then, holding him as he cried. It almost came as instinct and he drew her in no matter how infuriating he was at first._

_At first._

_Meeting him and then free of him when he graduated and then joined again by fate and then by a horrible circumstance and now he's just turned into something that's been there, stayed with her, whether he is or he isn't._

_He takes a drink of his wine and finally takes his eyes off her. "Would you believe me if I told you I fancied the pants off you way before you handed in that zoology paper?" _

_Neither of them says anything for a few seconds and Melody decides she is having none of that, not after what he's just told her._

"_You have a really crap way of showing affection has anyone ever told you that?"_

_And he laughs at that._

"_Annoying you was the only way you'd spare a glance my way." _

_Melody grinned, "Oh, pretty boy, for a genius you are so very much a daft, obtuse idiot."_

_He points a finger at her, so ready to defend himself. "Now, wait right there, I am no - "_

_She takes hold of his tie and pulls him forward, shutting him up with a kiss before he can in any way defend himself because he _**is**_ a complete half-wit. _


	8. Chapter 8

I know it's been a very long while and this is a bit short but I'm slowly getting some personal things taken care of so hopefully with that happening I can get back to writing more. Enjoy. - k.

* * *

_**Eight.**_

They were walking in silence, blankets in hand, on their way back to the Ponds.

They both spare a glance at each other every so often, small smiles and a feather light feeling building in their bones every moment they are near each other.

"I dare say this was actually not made up of a complete disaster as I thought it would be." Melody huffs out a laugh.

Through the haze that is his mind still reeling over the information about Rose he somehow manages to be quick at a retort. "Are you saying you assumed I was bad company?"

"Not at all, I meant me. I'm the bad company these days and you made me feel for the first time in months that I'm not _that_ dreadful."

The words are out before he can stop them, "You really have no idea what you are, do you?"

His tone is far too intimate and knowing and it is in no way a tone one should be able use when talking to a complete stranger. To her that is. Because he is just that, here, in this place. A stranger.

They've stopped walking and are looking at each other. Her eyes look at him, curious orbs at first.

They fit all too well. Such a _simple _and yet _unbreakable _connection pulling them together and he sees when she realizes that.

Her eyes widen, trying to understand how he feels like the earth itself and she the root that is entwined with it.

She swallows, eyes watering and voice shaken as she asks, "Who are you?"

"A very long time ago I would have known the answer to that question." He says. "But you… you're here and I shouldn't be but it all went wrong."

The Doctor reaches a hand out. Her breath catches when he brushes a loose curl from her temple and his hand caresses her cheek.

"I shouldn't be here." He starts to pull his hand away but she drops the blanket in her arms and moves his hand back as it was.

His touch is warm against her cheek and the world seems to be written in his eyes. Old eyes, more than ancient but they look so familiar. He looks at her like she's a part of him. She believes it too. And she doesn't understand _why_.

"We should probably get back." He says, finally pulling his hand away and picking up her blanket.

**XXX**

"Amy." Rory calls at his wife for the millionth time. She's been perched beside the window, glaring out for any sign of them.

Amy scowls but pays him no attention.

"You know, this is all going to come back to you in one way or another. You and your meddling." Rory warns.

"Me and _my_ meddling." Amy huffs, "As if you don't do your fair share of meddling! Wandering about the hospital like the gossip queen you are."

"Now, that was uncalled for. And it's not gossip! I called the Harold Saxon and Harriet Jones affair and got 200 quid from that bet. Where do you think your anniversary present came from?"

"Oi! Shut it, you. I think that's them coming from around the corner."

Rory joined his wife at the window. It was indeed the Doctor and Melody approaching. "We should probably look like we're doing something productive. Something other than peeping out of the window like stalkers."

Amy smiled sweetly at her husband, a brow raised. "Want to put on your old Halloween costume I bought you for our second anniversary and be caught in a compromising position?"

Rory grimaced, "I hated that Roman costume."

"I don't remember you complaining! Nine months later your daughter was born so you shouldn't be whining. Oh crap, they're at the door." Amy shoved Rory away and they barely managed to reach the couch just as the front door was being opened.

Amy smiled, "Ah, Melody, Doctor. Where did you kids run off to then?"

Melody narrowed her eyes at her parents. Her mother looked way too pleased with herself and father dear looked as if he was waiting to be accused of murder.

"Just popped out for a stroll." The Doctor said, setting the blankets on the floor.

"Good, yes. Strolls are good, aren't they Rory?" Amy asks.

Rory looked from Melody to Amy, "Oh, yeah. Strolls. Good clean fun."

"Where's Jack then?" Melody asked.

"He's watching something or other on the telly. You should probably go in and check on him and we'll sit here and chat." Amy nodded.

"I'm sure you will." Melody gave one long look at her parents before heading up the stairs.

Amy listened out for the familiar creak when someone reached the last step at the top of the stairs before she spoke.

"Okay, what happened?!"

"Amy…" Rory groaned.

"No, no," the Doctor sat down on the nearest armchair, "it's fine. We got some fresh air, had a chat. It went well I think."

"Oh, god, I don't think you even know how glad I am to hear that." Amy slumped back into the couch.

Rory watched the Doctor carefully. "What about you then, Doctor? You look a bit shaken up."

"I haven't been around people in a very long while I'm probably just tired. Nothing a cup of tea can't solve, eh?" He smiled.

"I'll start that up for you." Amy stood and made her way for the kitchen.

"You know," Rory started, "you're doing us a world of good. Doing this. Helping Melody. What I'm about to say might be out of order but I'm her dad, you see… it's my job to keep sure she's okay. If I didn't know any better I'd say you are way past fancying my daughter." Rory shook his head, "She's nowhere near ready for that."

"I know what you're getting at, Rory and I have no int-"

"Let me finish." Rory slid up from the couch and started pacing. "God, okay, this is going to sound mental given I just said what I did but I'm torn on where I stand here because I think, no. I know actually just by the sight of her when she's near you that she feels the same way. Part of me wants you to go away before anything gets started because it's too soon and the other part sort of wants to make you stay forever."

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair and hates himself now more than ever because everything is going to end up as it always has. Badly, and he can't stop it. He can save worlds but he can never seem save the ones that matter to him more than anything. The people that matter to him always get hurt or lost and that's just how it is. How it will always be.

"But I can't stay forever, Rory. Even if I wanted to, I can't."

Rory smiled. A sad smile. "I knew you'd say that. You're running from something, I know the look, and I can't see you stopping any time soon."

It was silent for a few moments until they heard Amy calling from the kitchen.

Turns out a cup of tea doesn't solve anything at all.


	9. Chapter 9

_My computer died so I'm working off my sister's computer so I'll try to get updates asap but I can't promise anything right now because it would be unrealistic to do so in this situation. Thank you for your patience so far. I hope/intend to get this problem solved quickly. Enjoy this chapter. _

* * *

_**Nine.**_

"You will never guess what."

Is what Rory says when Amy picks up the phone. It's midday and Rory's shift is nowhere near over and yet he's calling Amy anyway.

"Skipping out on the nursing duties. How rebellious of you." She comments.

"Gloat on my fallen halo later you will not believe what's been going on down here for the last hour."

Amy smirks, "Do tell, Mr. Pond."

"Okay. You know how Melody's had an off feeling about Mr. Finch? Kept going on about how he's dodgy and how she's sure he eats children for lunch when no one is looking."

"Finch the shady shrink, yep." Amy replies, "Who could forget him?"

"Turns out he's been messing around with those anti-psychotic pills he gives his patients and using them as lab rats. And Mr. Wagner, the chemist that was hired suddenly a few days short from Finch, was in on it too."

"Jesus, Rory! What is going on with that hospital?! First that creepy Kovarian woman gets positioned a head of hospital and now this?!"

"Yeah." a long pause, "About her."

"Oh, gods no." Amy shakes her head, "Don't tell me I don't want to know. Nope, wait! Tell me. I don't want to know but tell me anyway."

"Turns out she's not exactly who she says she is." Rory sighs, "Yvonne Hartman's taken over hospital for now."

Amy snorts, "Well she's not exactly a bed of roses either."

"She's not entirely evil. I hear she's quite nice actually… when she's not directing her attention on you."

"Keep telling yourself that Roranicus."

"She less cross on Saturdays. I think that's when her favorite show is on the telly. That really old one, the one that is sort of… the one you can't explain to anyone and not sound like a nutter."

"The one about space and stuff?" Amy guesses.

"Yeah! That one! Vastra was saying how her wife Jenny watches it and how in the show they can travel anywhere or something but for some reason everyone is always British."

"You are such a gossip queen." Amy laughs.

Rory then proceeds to deny it profusely until Amy stops her teasing, they say their _I love you_'s and go on with their day.

**XXX**

The Doctor is creating a setting for wood on his sonic since he has a bit (or a lot) of free time but it's not going as he'd hoped. He suspects the Tardis has something to do with that going on how she herself is made of wood. That would give him the power to make her do anything he bloody well likes and even he knows that's a scary thought. He may be able to fly her but he is rubbish with certain responsibilities if his habit of creating paradoxes are anything to go by.

His sonic starts to pick up a frequency and it's tip starts glowing from green and fading into red. He presses the retrieval button and that's when he hears it. A child's voice.

_tick tock goes the clock and what now shall we play?_

He moves quickly to his door and pulls it open, sticking his head out. His sonic starts to ring louder, the voice much clearer.

_tick tock goes the clock now summer's gone away._

The closer he gets to the sound the more his sonic buzzes. He's off down the hall towards the kitchen but his sonic starts to fade from red to green so he steps back and heads up the stairs, when the sonic starts blinking it tells him he's going the right way.

_tick tock goes the clock and all the years they fly._

The Doctor nears the door at the far end. It's slightly ajar.

_tick tock goes the clock and all too soon ... _

His sonic goes out when he reaches the door and gently pushes it open.

_your love will surley die._

It's Jack. He's sitting on the carpeted floor, television muted, as he draws and sings to himself.

The Doctor is startled when Melody says, "He's quite fond of that old nursery rhyme."

He turns around and she's smiling at Jack.

"A bit morbid for a nursery rhyme." The Doctor comments.

Melody shrugs, a sad smile spreading on her lovely face, "It's the only one he cares to remember. John made it up when Jack would have sleep troubles and it stuck in Jack's head ever since."

"He likes to draw then, eh?" The Doctor motions to Jack.

Melody nods, "He's obsessed. Again, quite like his dad. John had this little mad idea in his head the last months..."

Melody takes a deep breath and shakes her head as if trying to shake her emotions away from her.

"I'm sorry." she says and pointedly looks down at her bare feet in order to hide her face away. Half ashamed and the other half embarrassed and a whole other joint halves scared of being seen through.

The Doctor brought a hand to her cheek and hoped it provided some reassurance.

He knows it does when she willingly chooses to look back at him.

"You don't ever have to say sorry to me." he promises.

He knows she is placing an act of trust in the palm of his hand and the hearts in him wishes that she hadn't.

_Trust me, I'm the Doctor._

**XXX**

Amy sneaks up on Rory as he's putting the bins out and he nearly jumps out of his skin when he turns around and she crowds into his space.

"I've got a solution to our little problem." she informs.

"Would you not do that?!" Rory says, trying to catch his breath from the genuine fright.

"Do what?" Amy questions, completely ignoring the state of him.

Rory rolls his eyes, "Oh, nothing! Creeping up on a bloke while it's late out is just brilliant. Startled me half to death but that's just fine. I'm sure I'll just come back to life anyway and it'll save you the trouble of burying me."

Amy remains unaffected, "Okay, Mr. Sarcastic man, are you done?"

Rory groans and Amy only stares.

"Yes, I'm done." he confirms in a huff.

"Good." Amy nods, "I just got off the phone with my mum and apparently a friend of a friend mentioned this new therapist and how she worked wonders on her. Re-wrote her entire history in no time, so she says."

"Okay. What's the bad part?"

Amy grimaces, "Why would there be a bad part?"

"It's too good to be true therefore there is a spectacular chance of something bad in the works."

"You are a ball of sunshine, Rory. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Rory smirks, "Now who's being sarcastic."

Amy acquiesces, "I've yet to do more digging but she sounds nice and I have a good feeling about this one."

"Okay, alright. Find out more and we'll see how it goes."

Amy smiles brightly and takes Rory's hand as they walk back inside their home.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Ten._**

Mickey and Melody had gone shopping for party supplies very early. When they came back to Mickey's flat they settled down on the carpeted floor and arranged all their purchases across from them so they could go by them one by one.

"So when did you adopt him?" Mickey grinned at Melody. "I knew you're dad brought home strays but I've never seen you put a collar on one and keep him."

"Oh, don't you start." Melody threw a paper hat at him.

Mickey laughed, "Honestly, Mels! You don't tell me anything anymore."

"It's no big deal. You know how my parents are."

Mickey nodded. "So the Doctor, then. Doesn't he have a real name?"

Melody paused, realizing she's never thought to ask. She smiles then and says, "He's the Doctor."

"You seem happier." He adds but Melody doesn't reply to that.

Mickey wasn't blind. He had taken notice to his dear friend's interaction with this Doctor bloke, whoever he was, and knew enough about her to know that she was positively smitten.

"You should bring him to nan's party."

Melody shrugs, "I don't think he'd feel comfortable in a room full of strangers."

"Something tells me he wouldn't mind."

"I… I don't know." Melody looks at him and then grins. "Did you ask Doctor Jones to join us?"

Mickey gapes. "Why would I do that?!"

"Oh, sweetie, you really need to just ask her out already. One of these days Google won't come up with any more 'medical problems in the elderly' suggestions just so you can go pretend you're asking for your gran's health issues."

"Ha, ha. Very funny, Pond."

"Honestly, the worst she can do is say no."

"Yeah," Mickey says, "But it would still be the worst though."

**XXX**

As luck would have it the new therapist Amy had heard about had just been taken on by the hospital Rory worked at. Amy tries to look past the hospital's recent reputation and just go with it and take it as a sign. She rings up an appointment for Melody that same day. It takes some convincing but Amy manages to play the whole _do it for your mum_ trope perfectly and her daughter agrees.

Amy decides to wait around in the lounge area for Melody and worries some over leaving Jack with the Doctor. He's a clumsy idiot but she has a feeling of trust that runs deep when it comes to him. She's not sure why that is.

She has a good conversation when Vastra comes around the corner and tells her own version of the hospital's latest transgressions but that's about all the amusement she gets. She thinks about getting a fellow nurse to page Rory but decides against it.

She's never been good at this. Waiting. She's waited for many things but that never meant she had to like it.

She's half asleep when Melody steps out of the session room. She doesn't seem bothered and she doesn't say much, even on the ride home Melody is eerily quiet.

"So," Amy starts, "Good talk then?"

"Mother." Melody frowns.

"Hey! I'm just asking. A mother can ask, can't she?" Amy gives a big, childish huff.

Melody grins at that.

"Like her?"

Melody sighs and offers, "Significantly better than Mr. Finch. I'll give you that."

Amy smiles, "You know I have a good feeling about her."

Melody shrugs and thinks, _'So do I.'_

**XXX**

At first, The Doctor panicked when Amy had asked him to watch Jack and before he could stop himself and be sensible he had agreed.

"What could possibly go wrong, eh?" He had muttered under his breath as he and Jack waved at Amy as she drove off. The Doctor had overheard Amy on the phone with her daughter, all hushed tones and pleas.

Mickey had come by for Melody earlier to help him ready for his Nan's surprise party. She had sulked the entire while before Mickey showed up and the Doctor had to fight the urge to scoop her in his arms and snog her silly.

Mickey had greeted him happily and was glad he was doing better than the last time he saw him. Watching Melody walk out that front door gave birth to a new kind of hurt in his old, raggedy hearts.

But now here they were, just the Doctor and Jack. They had started out watching telly but soon ended up on the floor, Jack drawing avidly while the Doctor only stared on in amazement at the boy's imagination and tried to make sense of him. He looked so very ordinary but the Doctor knew he was anything but.

The Doctor thinks back and reminds himself he knows another certain someone who is also very much in that same category.

"You know I had a friend named Jack once." He says and the boy seems to brighten up at that but there is skepticism there. Smart lad.

"Do you really?"

"I swear it. Cross my hearts."

Jack seems satisfied with that. "I've never met anyone with my name."

"We have that in common, eh?" The Doctor grins. No one had ever heard his name, not in a very long time, until one day someone did. And she was gone.

Jack simply focuses back on his drawing and sighs, "I had a dream last night. You were there."

"Was I?"

Jack nods. "My dad was there and the stars sang to him."

_We will sing to you, Doctor. __The Universe will sing you to your sleep._

"He burned brighter than the sun."

_This song is ending._

"And you were made of fire."

_But the story never ends._


	11. Chapter 11

**_Eleven._**

Amy walked up the familiar path to her home, Melody right behind her. Melody had given her a skeptical look when she told her the Doctor was watching after Jack. Seems both Pond women were on the same thought process when it came to the Doctor and handling any sort of responsibility. They braced themselves for what they would find

Amy unlocked the door and they stepped inside. The sight warmed Amy's heart. The Doctor and Jack were on the floor, backs being supported against the sofa. They had dozed off side by side. Amy looked back at her daughter to find a troubled expression.

"Melody," Amy's voice gentle, "Why don't you go ready Jack's bed for him? Yeah?"

Melody nodded and made her way to the hallway and up the stairs. Amy lay down her bag and keys before nearing the two. She knelt down to Jack first and brushed the fringe from his face, smiling. "Jack." She whispered. "Jack."

The boy's eyes opened sleepily. "Up the stairs, little man. Come on."

She helped him up and let him slouch against her, his eyes not quite able to stop from falling shut. "All I need is your legs to move Jack, I've got you."

She felt a small nod. She held him up beside her and helped him climb the stairs. Melody was already waiting at his bedside. She left her daughter to tuck the boy in. Amy momentarily damns her aging bones because Melody simply lifts Jack up into her arms like he's light as a feather. Amy would probably break a hip with all that effort. _To be young_, she muses to herself before getting back downstairs.

Her raggedy man is still in dreamland. She pauses. _Her_ _raggedy man_. Where the hell did that come from?

She pushes away from that thought, leaves it as an unknown, before making her way over to the Doctor.

"Doctor." She calls quietly. "Doctor."

But he doesn't stir.

She sighs and suddenly finds herself taking Jack's place. She feels so young next to him. Which is bloody ridiculous! She's well into her early sixties and he's all baby-faced, downright toddler aged compared to her. But it's there, it's _him_. He's not from here and she starts to wonder if he's even from anywhere.

She sees something sticking out from the inside of his tweed jacket. She reaches and pulls it out. It's black, leathery. It's like a wallet but its light and it flips open. There's nothing there, it's blank.

She closes it and looked back at his tired face before slipping it back into his top pocket. She lets herself lean against him and lays her head on his shoulder.

**XXX**

Melody watches Jack as he moves his body to a more comfortable position once she's tucked him into bed. The night light in his room is so dimmed it hardly lights the room at all. Her son has always been polite and inquisitive but never quite so trusting with anyone since his father died. It did quite a number on Jack, the last times he'd had with his father. It got bad in the end.

John had lost much of himself when he had the accident. He had been working on god know what, it was all equations and so many parts, so many words and theories that Melody lost count of where and what John was trying to accomplish in the first place. But she knew he was right. He had come up with something brilliant and if he had finished what he started…

But he didn't.

She remembers getting the phone call. The same gut feeling turning her insides out just as it had when Jackie phoned her mum's to tell her Rose had passed away.

She can't even remember exactly what they had told her about it, what happened to him, just that he was in hospital. There was deterioration in memory. His mind, so vast with knowledge and light and heart slowly diminished before her eyes. Slowly month after month it started to take him away from her, every last bit.

One day he would look at her as he always did, as if she was the sun and the stars and the core of the universe was made of her smile. Worse days came, days where he would be looking at her confused, skeptical, as if what she was saying to him was true but it seemed inside his heart he knew it was even if his mind couldn't fathom it.

Then he couldn't, wouldn't. Their time was being unwritten, slowly his life reverted to the days where he was Rose's and she was his. At that point he would look at her, his wife, and his stare would cut right through her.

_Who are you?_

Over and over again, that question, until it was the only thing he knew. All of his memories, all of their life together, erased from him day after day.

It was never supposed to be like this.

**XXX**

When Amy wakes up she's in her bed and the sun is pouring in from the shutters. Rory's already gone off to the hospital no doubt. She slips on her robe quickly, tying it at her waist, before stepping out of her bedroom.

She finds the Doctor in the kitchen and it's like the world lights up again.

"Burning down my kitchen, are you?"

And the idiot almost drops the spatula he is holding.

"Er, right." He flushes, "I, uh, couldn't sleep that much. Figured I'd make myself useful and make you breakfast this time."

"Breakfast?" she asks.

He nods and she walks over to inspect the so called 'breakfast'. Eggs and bacon.

"I'll be the judge of that." She says with a smile.

"Oh, you always are." He mutters happily, then stills. She sees his expression change. His jaw clenches and his posture turns stiff.

"Doctor? Are you feeling okay?"

"No. I mean yes. I'm fine. Just… lack of sleep perhaps." His excuse sounds weak, he knows it, but he hands her the spatula. "Take over for a bit, Pond. Be back faster than you can miss me."

With that he's off. She blinks after him as he vanishes from the kitchen. She shrugs it off and keeps the eggs and bacon from burning. Much.

**XXX**

The Doctor steps out of the Pond residence and takes a long, deep breath. He woke up last night with Amy asleep beside him, head on his shoulder. He had smiled at the sight before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her off to her bed. His sweet little Amelia. But she isn't. She's not _his_ Amelia.

Then it came. It all came like a current, his memories. Swirling around him, tugging him down. A whirlpool that refuses to be refused. He remembers a little girl slumped on her suitcase, waiting. Carrying little Amelia Pond up to bed and telling her a story. The _only_ story. And that's all he has now. She's a story in his head. A memory seared in both his hearts and the ache there is the only proof he has that she was real. That Amy Pond wasn't just a fairytale, Rory Williams wasn't just a boy who waited and River… _his_ River. _Gods, _he thought. Gone, all his mad impossible Ponds.

And he wept.

He couldn't find sleep after that but he tucked himself away in his room. He heard Rory get home a while after and get ready for bed himself. And he thought of River. _River, River, River. _And he wanted, oh, he _wanted_. And he couldn't have it.

The Doctor comes back to where he is now, the bright green grass grounding him. He's in Amy Pond's front yard. He takes a few more deep breaths, and heads back inside to help Amy finish breakfast.

**XXX**

"You seem tense." Mickey commented as they hung a 'Happy Birthday Nan' banner he'd hand painted himself the night before.

"Just tired." Melody answered.

"Nah, I've seen you tired. That's a whole different kind of monster." He jests.

She can't help laugh at that.

"Honestly?" she looked at him, uncertain.

He walked over and placed an arm over her shoulder. "Lay your problems on me, Pond. You may not be a Smith from my blood but you were made a Smith by marriage. I'm pretty sure we can figure it out together."

She was so very hesitant but could only deny him a reason for so long. If she couldn't talk to Mickey, then who else really? Hesitance won though. She gave him a half-truth. John's birthday would be in a few months and he gobbled that up with open ears and so much comfort she felt so guilty for lying to him, even if it wasn't entirely a false reason, that wasn't all of what was troubling her.

The truth is, last night, the sight scared her. Her son and the Doctor had fallen asleep side by side and she wants to feel all warm and fuzzy about it, part of her did, but it was one thing for her to get attached. Jack on the other hand, he already lost a father and the Doctor couldn't possibly even for one second be entertaining the thought to actually being there, actually _staying_. Could he?

She tries to shake those thoughts from her, tries to put on a smile so Mickey can feel comforted that he's helped in some way, like he's taken a weight off of her shoulders. And he does. He really, really does but right now she's lying to him and that's her own fault, not his.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Twelve._**

Melody and Mickey made quick work of the decorations and soon she was on her way back home to get changed for the party.

Amy was already gathering her keys, grinning and kissing Melody on the cheek just as she walked through the door.

"Where are you going?" Melody questioned.

"Your father finally got some stones and worked himself up to asking for the evening off."

Melody smiled, "Impressive."

"I know!" Amy laughed. "I'll see you at the party, dear."

"Wait!"

Amy turned back to her.

"Where's Jack and the Doctor?"

"Oh, right. Jack and I went to the market around lunch time, we saw Sylvia with her grandson and I figured since she'll be at the party later anyway there's no harm in letting the boy tag along with his friend and the old bat."

Melody frowned, "Mum, you really need to stop calling her that behind her back."

"I'd tell it to her front if only your father would let me." Amy pointed out and shut the door after her.

Melody sighed. She realized when she was halfway up the stairs that her mother hadn't said where the Doctor was. She walked back downstairs and down the hallway before stopping in front of the Doctor's door. She raised a hand to knock but she couldn't bring herself to do so.

"What's the matter with me?" she muttered quietly. She stared at the door for a few seconds before shaking off her anxieties. Determined, he walks closer and finally knocks. They sound is firm against the wooden door.

When the door is pulled open his head pops out and it's so sudden and unexpected that his face ends up a few inches away from hers. He's startled then by the close proximities, so is she, but neither make to move away.

"Ri-" but he stops, eyes wide and suddenly he looks utterly terrified.

Whatever he was about to say dies in his throat, cuts off, before it can be finished. It sounds like he's choked on the word not said before swallowing it down. His voice hard and expression pained when he finally permits himself to speak again.

"Melody. Hello."

"Doctor." She nods.

His face is so close.

"What's wrong? Did you need anything? Are you okay?"

With every question it seems as if he's moved even closer. The worry on his brow makes her want to cry. Of joy or sadness she isn't sure.

"No, no. I'm fine." She assures. "I was just wanting to know if you were going to join us at the party."

She mentally kicks herself for forgetting to invite him. Personally, that is. With everything in her head it hadn't even occurred until now.

"Oh," he takes a few steps back then, finally allowing them both some distance. "I didn't know if I was wanted to join."

Melody smiles and feels guilty. "Of course you are, Doctor. You know it's no trouble for anyone."

"No." His expression changes from worry to such a sadness. "I didn't know if _you_ wanted me there."

"I _need_ you there."

It came out of her mouth before she could even register what exactly it was she said let alone stop it. But he smiled and she found it hardly mattered to try and explain or possibly deny it.

"Well then Melody Pond." He fixed his ridiculous bowtie. "Ready when you are."

**XXX**

The Doctor is a very good distraction. She hardly pays attention to the other guests and there really isn't any point in trying to garner her attention now when he's gotten himself fully surrounded by the children.

He's telling them utterly ridiculous stories about vampires in Venice and rescuing dinosaurs on a spaceship with old friends of his, Annie and Roman, who she isn't even sure are actually real themselves.

"Picture perfect, eh?"

It's her mother's voice. She turns and finds Amy smiling at the Doctor with nearly as much fondness she has for her own husband.

"Well I can't very well argue against that." Melody nods.

"You know I've been thinking…"

Melody braces herself.

"Perhaps your father and I will go off this Christmas. We could go to Scotland for holiday. Maybe I'll finally be getting your father to wear a kilt."

Melody chuckles but still waits for it because it_ is_ something her mother is getting at no doubt.

"Oh my, a clever thought just popped in my head." Amy's eyes go wide and from the expression on her face Melody knows she's faking this sudden realization of hers.

"Funny how that works." Melody mutters.

Amy either ignores her daughter's dry tone or is too dedicated to veer from her goal because she doesn't comment, just keeps on with her so called idea. "We could take Jack with us! Show him where his nan originally came from."

"Oh, mother." Melody scowls and walks away from her without another word.

"Melody!" Amy shouts after her.

**XXX**

The Doctor's head snaps up at Amelia's voice. She's following after someone. His eyes search to seek for whom and finds its Melody marching away. By the looks of it angrily.

He excuses himself from the children and stands before making his way around some of the guests. He stops right where he is when sees her.

"Martha Jones." He says quietly. It really shouldn't surprise him, really it truly shouldn't. But it does. He can't look any longer.

It's when he glances away that he notices Mickey is staring at Martha. His expression says it all, bless him. The shock of it eases from the Doctor slowly and a smile spreads over his face. He approaches the younger man.

"Fancy her, don't you?" he asks.

Mickey's head turned abruptly, wide eyed and becoming more than slightly embarrassed. He looks about to deny it but instead his shoulder sagged and he groaned.

"That obvious then?"

The Doctor fully grinned now, "Oh, Mickey. Leave it to the universe to wibble and wobble every which way, flopping the basics just to end up keeping everything exactly the same."

Mickey's brow furrowed. "Come again?"

The Doctor shook his head, chuckling, "Nothing, nothing. Musings I relay to myself, utter nonsense. Anyhow, you should go talk to her."

"Nah," Mickey waved off the notion, "She's a doctor, she's well outta my league."

The Doctor smirked, "Well you never know until you try. Who knows, maybe someday you'll save the world together."

Mickey doesn't really seem to be fully listening though.

"She really is something, isn't she?" Mickey watched Martha, the complete state of awe as he looks at her making his eyes twinkle. "I mean, she's kind. Generous. Always puts her family first. She's a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman. What the hell would she get from a guy like me?"

"Mickey Smith. You've just answered your own question."

Mickey looked at a loss and the Doctor's hearts felt warm. The feeling spread kindly through him. He sighed happily before explaining.

"You can notice someone but it's a whole other thing to see them as they are. You've just described Dr. Jones as she is, and you _see_ her as she is. I had a friend very much like her once." The Doctor frowned, "She was always hoping to be noticed by this bloke but he never saw her as she deserved to be seen. Trust me, Mickey, there's nothing more anyone could hope for than to be seen for who they really are and to be appreciated as such."

Mickey blinked and looked away. His smile gone when he looked back at the Doctor.

"Like the way you look at Mels?"

Mickey was readying to apologize but the Doctor wouldn't have it. Mickey didn't deny his feelings when the Doctor called him out on it and the Doctor knows very well Mickey would have liked to. But he didn't. The Doctor decided he owed Mickey the same respects.

So he smiled back sadly and nodded. "Like the way I look at Melody."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Thirteen.**_

The Doctor finds Amy upstairs with her ear against what he would assume is the bathroom. She's knocking insistently.

"Melody, open the door. I'm sorry, okay? Open the door for you mum would you?"

She straightened up when she saw him.

"Trouble?" the Doctor asked.

"Buggered things right up, I have." She explains, sighing heavily.

"Care to let me give it a go?" he offered.

Amy considered him before nodding and patting his shoulder. "Good luck."

The Doctor took up the space Amy had occupied and knocked gently.

"Go away!" came Melody's voice.

"She has." The Doctor informed. "Mind letting me in for a bit?"

"I'm sorry to say I mind quite a bit right now."

The Doctor looked down the narrow hallway and tried to find some other way to comfort her that wouldn't agitate her more. There was quite a bit options in his head but they could all be received differently. He finally decided on one.

"Alright. Compromise then?" he offered. She didn't answer. "I'm not going to leave but that said I'm also going to respect that you mind and I'll leave you to your space. The loo is now Melody's space, yeah?"

Still no response. He went on.

"This door between you and I keeps your space from extending out here and vice versa. I won't push nor prod, I promise you that. I do have an idea that is rather pleasing. I've decided to make this space outside the loo mine. Doctor's space." He grins.

"This door, right," he knocks on the wood lightly and slides down to the carpet, back against the door then tries awkwardly to position his gangly legs in the narrow space. He gives up on finding a comfortable position and instead continues, "This door is all that connects us and keeps us apart at the same time. Rather brilliant and convenient. I've sat myself down with my back against it and I'd like you to do the same. Keep in mind you don't have to but I have and I'm staying right here in my space, not yours."

He doesn't hear a thing, not a movement, but he still hopes for some cooperation.

"Alright."

Her voice is nearer from the other side of the door. He smiles at that.

"Back against the door." She informs.

"Space is good yeah?" he asks.

She doesn't answer but he doesn't mind. They stay in compatible silence, both of them with their backs against either sides of the door.

**XXX**

Rory spots Amy coming from upstairs with a sour look on her face. He sets his drink down and intends to follow after her but just as he was about to do so a familiar patient of his blocked his way.

"Oh, gods. Sylvia, hi."

"Hello Rory!" she gleamed. Apparently it was no secret Sylvia Mott quite fancied him and Amy of all people was the one who pointed it out to him.

Sylvia was a good thirty years his senior and he brushed it off to Amy being jealous. He was flattered by his wife's concern but Amy's jealousy became tiresome very quickly.

He remembers one conversation in particular. He had just finished writing up Sylvia's information chart for Dr. Moon when Amy startled him by shutting the door to the exam room. It rang loudly from being shut with such force. Before he knew it their voices had raised in volume and tempers were being tested.

_"You," Amy had poked his chest with her well-manicured fingernail, "Mr. Oblivious, only encourage her!"_

_Rory shook his head. "That's rubbish. Sylvia is just being nice. She's a nice lady."_

_"Sylvia is nice, eh?" Amy's Scottish accent grew thicker when in anger. "Sylvia is nice?! Well you go be nice with her then oblivious man!"_

And then Amy stormed out, leaving Rory to deal with the stares of every single person that was unlucky enough to overhear them from outside of the exam room.

"Listen, Sylvia," Rory tried to maneuver himself around the elderly woman, "Can we talk later I've got to go see if my wif-"

"Rory, Rory, Rory," Sylvia cut in, waving a hand and smiling even wider. It's pretty scary. He sees now what Wilfred would go on about before he'd passed away two years back. He'd be there from six in the morning to four in the afternoon, Donna's work hours.

Rory would spend his time in-between shifts with Wilfred in the lounge area or cafeteria hearing the man tell all sorts of stories until Donna showed up and it was safe to go home. Rory does miss him.

"Rory," Sylvia continued, "You do know I have a hip surgery in the morning? You do, I know you do, you are so thorough! I was hoping you would take care of me when I go home. I've got no one there to care for me."

Rory was about to remind her that that wasn't even true. Donna, bless her, lived right next door with her husband Lee.

"Sylvia, I've really got to see to something. Can we talk at another time?" Rory pleaded.

"You most certainly can!" came a familiar boisterous voice.

"Oh, thank the gods." Rory muttered at the sight of Sylvia's daughter approaching.

He slipped away without hesitation. Donna's voice raising all other sorts of scoldings at her mother dimmed down the further he got away. Rory decided to look out back where Jack was with the other kids just to make sure his grandson was alright before he went on searching for Amy. By chance he didn't even have to look further.

Amy was sitting in a side chair nearby with a frown on her face watching Jack play but not _really_ watching him play. She was sulking in that ginger head of hers.

He approached warily. He wasn't sure the mood she'd be in, whether she'd need comfort or someone to yell at so he braced himself.

"Hello." He said, sounding out the letters in a sing-song voice nervously.

Amy didn't have any comeback or comment.

"Amy, what's wrong?" he asked and sat down next to her.

She threw her arms around him unexpectedly. It took a moment for him to register the sudden movement but then he relaxed in her arms and hugged her back.

**XXX**

He startles into waking when he hears a small click. He starts to blink awake but before he can properly do so he feels his back come in contact with the floor. He looks up and finds Melody is looking down at him.

"Oh god, I'm sorry." She kneels down.

He must have dozed off. He remembers then that he was sitting against the bathroom door. The door that separated then. He smiles up at her. "You came out."

She nods very slowly. "The loo loses its allure once you've counted all the tiles around fifty times or so."

"I imagine it would." He sits up.

"I'm sorry." She says again.

"I told you once, Melody Pond, you don't ever have to say that to me."

"Keep saying it I might actually have to believe you." She jests.

"I won't stop saying it then." He promises.

Melody frowns. "Mickey is going to do my head in for spending the entirety of his gran's birthday locked in his upstairs toilet."

"For what I saw he's got his hands full trying to avoid talking to a certain someone when he really should do just that. I doubt that struggle has changed from then to now."

Melody smiled. "I sort of have a burning need to lock _him_ up somewhere with Martha so he'd just get to it already."

He nods his head inside the bathroom. "Melody's space looks quite free at the moment."

She laughs wholeheartedly.

"Come on, let's help you up." She stands and holds her hands out for him. His legs wobble from being sat in such an uncomfortable position for however long he's been there and Melody has to hold him upright until he can do so himself. She chuckles at that.

"Your legs really aren't made for narrow hallways, Doctor."

"It's good to have things bigger on the inside that's for sure." He muses. He misses his Tardis dearly.

Melody's brow furrows, "Pardon?"

"Nothing. Silly old Doctor. Now," he clasps his hands together and grins. "We should get back to the festivities."

As they descend the stairs his hand reaches over to hold hers without thought. She doesn't pull away but instead entwines her fingers with his.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Fourteen._**

Rory had accompanied his daughter to see her off at her session that morning. Just as they arrive Melody's therapist lights up at the sight of her.

The woman is more than a bit peculiar looking but she is also, if Rory is honest, quite a beauty in a way that is all her own. There is a certain aura about the woman. It rolls off of her like a silent thrum of life and energy that extends around him. There is a calm and stability about her. It makes him feel at ease and he imagines she has that effect on everyone.

"You must be Mr. Williams." She walks forward and extends hand. "I'm Dr. Idris Blue." Her attention switches to Melody.

Rory sees a flash of fierceness in Dr. Idris while she looks upon his daughter. A protectiveness akin to that of a mother. It comforts him, that. If that's anything to go by this woman is going to take good care of Melody.

"Very well, I'll leave you girls to it." And he did just so.

"That father of yours, he is a pretty one." Dr. Idris grinned.

Melody wrinkled her nose at that but walked in with Dr. Idris towards the session room.

"You've a new air about you, Melody." Was what her therapist said once they'd settled in and had seated across from one another. "If you don't mind me commenting so, that is." The woman finished, her smile fond.

"I don't mind. I may not agree but I don't mind."

"_That_ is exactly what I'm referring to. You're able to take compliments now despite how you disfavor them." The doctor smiled. "The reasons people resort to therapy varies. People sometimes don't have the tools to face things on their own let alone acknowledge them. Sometimes a person isn't alone at all and have many around who care and want to help but feeling alone isn't solely about who is there, it is a feeling.

"Many professionals in my league place subtle light hints for their patients to encourage them to talk about their troubles. I'm not particularly fond of that method. I leave my patients to choose that for themselves and whether they do open up or not. Even if they don't it doesn't make a session any less or more valuable."

Melody knew that wasn't all her doctor was getting at, so she waited for Dr. Idris to continue.

"I know what's been your troubles. Your mum's told me what is you reason to come here, what has happened to you, but you have yet to tell me. Melody, I am going to ask you something. I'm not asking it _of_ you, simply asking you."

Her doctor paused and shut the file in front of her, the file that documented Melody's progress after every session. In all honesty the sight of that file, of Melody's problems being documented in ink, was a huge part of her reluctance to open up. If she spoke of it, it would be let out the open ears and heard and that was terrifying. But if it is put down in ink that makes it definite and there for all to see with their own eyes. Seeing and hearing are two very different things.

Her doctor had now shut it and pushed it away from her gently.

"I don't intend on marking this down. I won't do that. All I ask is to name it. Name…"

"Him." Melody finished.

Dr. Idris nodded. "Can you? See, that question is tricky because you can, we both know this. But _will_ you? Will you let yourself do so? And that my dear, is up to you."

Melody looked down at her hands. They were on her lap. She still had her wedding ring on. She could never work it off her fingers because it symbolized so much. It sealed a reality that was now gone. After it all happened she couldn't bear lose that too.

"It will reach six months in little less than two weeks." Dr. Idris said, simply stating a fact. There was no coaxing behind it.

Melody messed with her wedding ring and lost herself in it until Dr. Idris took her hands in her own.

When she looked back at Dr. Idris there was no expression on her face. It was vacant and somehow it didn't come across as uncaring or uninterested. It was highly comforting. Melody sees then that the woman could have no face, she could have no physical form and yet she would still be _felt_. Like she is a force that needs no shape or form. She's simply _alive_.

Melody cannot only feel what she is feeling but she can see an image that would describe her feelings. She feels her pain like a river that was once harsh and violent, a destroyer. The current had formed from a storm, angry and owning and devouring. Now, at this moment, those waters seem to have calmed. The flow is not harsh, it has steadied. The river flows without violence, but with strength. The river was born to destroy and now the river is of her own making.

Melody pushed past her fears and found she felt brave.

"John," she says, "His name was John."

Dr. Idris smiled then. "John."

**XXX**

The Doctor stood in front of his beloved blue box. When he reached up and placed a hand against its sturdy wooden doors he felt the old girl reaching back. His hand ran over the hard edges of her sides and stroked her lovingly. Somewhat as he did with her console. He missed her indeed.

"In the ends it's you and me, eh?" he says and reluctantly steps back, away. He walks away from her and fights the urge to look back. If he does he'll stay beside her all day and that would help no one. He doesn't feel like he can be of any help though. To anyone. Least of all Melody. He can't stay. He just can't and she'll be just as torn up in this world as she was in the other one and it's all of his doing.

"Doctor?"

It was Mickey. The Doctor looks up and notices he's ended up at the hospital without intention. He takes notice back to Mickey who is looking more than distressed.

"Mickey, is something troubling you?"

"I just… I don't know. I…" Mickey is in a panic.

"Calm down. Come now," The Doctor pulls Mickey down to a bench not far away from the hospital doors. "What's happened?"

"I…" Mickey let his head fall in his hands, his shoulders sagging. "I was going to go. I was gonna tell her."

The Doctor nods understandingly. "You were going to tell Martha how you feel."

"Yeah! I was. But I'm rubbish at it." Mickey frowns. "I was there, at the doors of the hospital and I couldn't go in. I'm just a coward and a fool. I'm not the man she deserves."

"Alright I've had enough of that in this universe." The Doctor mutters. "Mickey Smith, look at me!"

Mickey looks alarmed and the Doctor realizes maybe he said that with a bit too much frustration.

"Sorry." the Doctor says and tries again, speaking softer this time. "You need to stop all of this talk about how insignificant you feel you are. You are capable of _so_ much." The Doctor frowns. "You all are. That's always the problem. You never realize your worths until you're faced with the impossible." The Doctor gripped Mickey's shoulder, strong and with intent. "And Mickey Smith, I have got to tell you, you may feel like a tin dog always being overlooked by the world around you but you are so much more than that. In your heart of hearts there lies a man with so much courage and strength. You don't need to reach inside yourself to find it, it's already there. So just go in there and use it."

Mickey looks from the Doctor and over to the hospital doors.

"Yeah. Alright." Mickey stands up and takes a deep breath. He looks back at the Doctor and smiles. "See ya, boss."

And in he goes.

**XXX**

Melody steps out of Dr. Idris's office and finds her father dear nowhere in sight. She sighs and makes her way down to the first floor. She's sure to find him at the nurse's station and if not she can catch up with Vastra and Rita.

She runs into a familiar face on the way.

"Ah, miss Pond." The large man says with a smile. "Always a pleasure."

"Hello Dr. Maldovar." Melody smiles.

"How many times have I told you to call me Dorium?" he chuckles.

Melody smiles back, "Right. Yes, I'm sorry. Hello, Dorium."

"And how is that son of yours?" Dorium asks. "I've not seen him in quite some time. I hope you'll assure me he's bigger since then or we'll have a bit of a problem."

Dr. Dorium Maldovar was a friend of the family for many years. He'd delivered Jack when he was a baby and even delivered Melody herself.

"Then I will assure you he is growing splendidly." Melody replied.

"Good, good. Always a pleasure to see you, Melody Pond. Make sure to say hello to that mother of yours."

"Indeed I will." Melody nodded. Dorium cackled joyously as he continued his way down the hospital corridor.

As soon as she reached the first floor she caught sight of Mickey walking by, or more marching by. She saw he was headed straight for Martha who was filling out a chart at the front desks.

"Doctor Jones." Mickey called out.

Martha looked up and smiled. "Mickey, lovely to see you. How's that gran of yours? Did you have more questions?"

"Nah, I'm not here about my gran." He smiled. "I'm here for me. I came to talk to you."

Melody could hardly believe the confidence radiating from her friend as he stood there talking to Martha Jones. He usually turned into goo at the mere thought of the woman. He was so ridiculously smitten and for so long it was just positively sad that he could never bring himself to act on it.

Mickey took a deep breath. "Would you let me take you out to dinner sometime?"

Martha placed down the pen she was holding and turned to face him entirely.

"Mickey Smith," Martha didn't look too keen on the idea and Melody dreaded that she could possibly outright reject him but then she broke out in a grin, "I really thought you'd never ask."

Mickey laughed, relief echoing from the sound. "I almost didn't."

"Well I'm glad you did." Martha said before reaching up and kissing him on the cheek. "You saved me the trouble of doing it myself. Walk me to my office?"

Mickey nodded. "I can do that."

As they walked by Mickey caught her eyes and Melody chuckled, mouthing _I told you so._ He rolled his eyes at her before he reached down and pulled Martha's hand in his.


End file.
